Impact of Discipleship: Julia Bruce
/“God used discipleship to establish him as Lord”
Discipleship has redeemed my time as a follower of Christ on this earth. While I had trusted in Christ as the savior and redeemer of my soul in middle school, God used discipleship to establish him as Lord.
Through discipleship, God exposed my tendencies toward being independent, allowing me to trust him, return to his word, and open my heart to his work. He used my discipler, Jerri, as a sweet example to me of a believer dependent on the Lord, with a heart for the souls around her. She was also confident and bold in confronting areas of my life that needed to be turned over to God and faithful to pray with me.
“I professed trust in God and assurance in his word, even though I began to turn to it less and less”
Growing up, I responded to the chaos around me by constantly bringing more of my life under my control‒avoiding the need to trust or depend on anyone. Successful academically and in sport, I also learned the value of hard work and the reward that it brings. So naturally, in my flesh, I became a person prone to finding purpose in discipline and pride in self-sufficiency, recognizing the right answer in every situation and choosing it without question.
Upon my salvation in middle school, my life sweetly looked like a diligent quiet time routine, swift response to conviction, and boldness to proclaim the gospel to my classmates. This continued through high school, and I eventually found myself in numerous Bible Studies throughout the week. However, without much guidance from a soon-to-dissolve local church, and too much desire to “keep up” intellectually with my boyfriend, I ended up with my mixed bag of doctrine‒often trusting in man’s good arguments over God’s sure word, which sowed confusion and anxiety in my heart and mind.
When seasons of tragedy came into my life, I began to internalize emotions and harbor bitterness, ending up in spirals of depression and anxiety, enslaved to an internal dialogue that rarely spoke the truth. Meanwhile, externally, I professed trust in God and assurance in his word, even though I began to turn to it less and less, and I began to mistake indifference for the peace of God.
“Once these were broken down, he began a new work in my heart, laid on the foundation of his word”
In college, I ended up burnt out in an unsustainable campus ministry that left me feeling jaded, insecure, and mildly hopeless, where the joy of my salvation was lost in the mess of my best efforts. However, I still knew what was right, so I gave myself over to numb obedience. Willing to give my time, but not my heart, I feigned sacrifice and fought against true worship of God, settling instead for wasted deeds and logic-driven responses.
Finally, in 2018, my husband and I trusted God with a big life decision which led to me moving back to Kansas City from Toronto, Canada. Actually I had personally really only trusted God for a different answer, so I came obedient but unwilling, following the rhythm of the past half-decade. When we ended up at Midtown Baptist Temple and signed up for discipleship, my heart was in a similar place.
Thankfully, God used discipleship to break down walls in my heart that I had built, fencing myself off from him and those around me. Once these were broken down, he began a new work in my heart, laid on the foundation of his word.
Through discipleship, I finally learned to differentiate between guilt and conviction. While I knew that the Holy Spirit works in our lives to convict us of sin, I had never reckoned the difference between the two. 2 Corinthians 7:9-11 shows us that true conviction produces a godly sorrow leading to repentance. Guilt, which I was well-acquainted with, instead produces depression, anxiety, and bitterness.
It was so eye-opening and comforting to know that the spirals of thought over words said and unsaid did not find their root in the Spirit. Seeing and understanding this truth helped me to put my trust in God’s word and turn over my wandering thoughts when I could clearly call them out as stemming from the enemy. Choosing to turn to God and his word instead of my ability to reason through self-condemnation produced freedom and peace in my life.
“...in my doctrinal anxiety and self-reliance, I ended up spending so much time focused on myself that true evangelism was nearly dropped from my life”
Through discipleship, I was also forced to admit that I viewed myself as self-sufficient, and I learned to view Christ as my sufficiency. I can't forget the evening that Jerri looked me in the face with expectant eyes and softly asked me if I thought I was self-sufficient. My flesh, full of pride, was so excited to answer with a resounding yes, but I could finally clearly see the error in my efforts. 2 Corinthians 3:4-5 says, "And such trust have we through Christ to God-ward: not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think any thing as of ourselves; but our sufficiency is of God." During discipleship, there were seasons of suffering and temptation which required this to become true in my life, not just in word. Thankfully, Jerri was ever-willing to listen, pray with me, and to direct me to God’s word; her steadfast friendship was a comfort to me and her dependence on God during trials in her life was an encouragement and example for me to follow.
Finally, through discipleship, I was reminded of the ministry of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:18-20). As believers, it is our responsibility and joy to share the gospel with the lost world. Unfortunately, in my doctrinal anxiety and self-reliance, I ended up spending so much time focused on myself that true evangelism was nearly dropped from my life. Freed to take my eyes off my condition, God could finally get my gaze on others, with a love that could not come from the working of my own selfish heart.
Alongside discipleship, through a Bible study in the C&YA ministry, I returned to the gospel of John for the first time in a long season and was reminded of the hope of the gospel and the astounding depth of God’s love for us. Seeing Jesus minister revealed to me all of the ways that my heart did not mirror his and softened it to the souls around me again. Jerri also served as an example to me through her heart for the student ministry, as well as her coworkers. Seeing Jerri seek out souls at her workplace encouraged me to start having more intentional conversations with my coworkers, which God used to open the door to start a Bible study with a woman in my department.
“God has been faithful to carry those burdens that were once too great”
When I began discipleship I felt like I was always striving and working, laboring alone to impress God and others, yet I felt like I was also always letting everyone down. Through discipleship, by spending time in God’s word and walking alongside another believer who was faithful to love and correct me, I learned to labor alongside the Lord and to take on his yoke. This has allowed me to acknowledge heaviness and pain in my life and others and to trust God in the midst of it. And by no longer holding on so tightly, whether to worldly dreams or bitter resentment, God has been faithful to carry those burdens that were once too great.
God used discipleship to impact my life and redeem it for his glory. The transforming power of his word, invested in me by Jerri, cleared away confusion, corrected my heart, and directed me to partake in his work with joy.
Julia Bruce is a member at Midtown Baptist Temple and is a part of C&YA. She is on the service coordination team and serves in Kidtown. She is also involved in one of the UMKC women’s Bible studies.