A Word on Gossip
/“All they have is a few puzzle pieces and an unhealthy obsession.”
Many of you don’t know this about me, but I love true crime documentaries. Like many people, I have enjoyed the recent flood of podcasts and Netflix series that invite viewers into the illusion they are a part of a real life crime investigation.
Over the years, the popularity of these types of shows has taken off. Online communities such as Youtube and Reddit feeds are full of people presenting their theories of “What really happened?”. For these people, there is no illusion: they are investigators and reporters. They are emotionally and intellectually vested. These are folks whose love for true crime far surpasses my own - they obsess over cases and aren’t afraid to share their thoughts.
The problem with “web sleuths'' is that they don’t have all the information that a real life police detective has. They aren’t privy to the details of the case, the reports, the files; all they have is whatever they can google and the endless spiral of youtube videos that give them bits and pieces of the truth. All they have is a few puzzle pieces and an unhealthy obsession. From their fractured knowledge these folks form complex theories, hypotheses and even have the audacity to make accusations. Many “web sleuths'' have no fear dragging a person's name through the mud, making claims that “so-and-so” is the perpetrator. I have seen in some cases how these accusations can destroy families, reputations, and unfairly influence law enforcement. They can lead people into seclusion and straight up ruin peoples lives - all because someone had a gut feeling and spurious theory.
“[They] have secret perspectives that they share with a limited handful of like-minded conspirators.”
While these people might call themselves web sleuths or “crime junkies”, I have a much more appropriate name for them - gossipers.
There are many synonyms to gossip in scripture, such as: evil surmising, talebearing, backbiting, whispering, murmuring and vain jangling. In short, these are words used to describe the actions of someone who cannot help but to concern themselves with the affairs of others; people who have little to no control over their tongues. These are folks who are emotionally involved in other people's problems when no one has invited them to be involved. These are people who are easily offended and tend to stir up drama when there isn’t any. These are folks who mistrust their authorities and have secret perspectives that they share with a limited handful of like-minded conspirators.
God is quite thorough in his opinions of such matters…
Eph 4:29 Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. 30 And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption.
Pro 6:16 These six [things] doth the LORD hate: yea, seven [are] an abomination unto him: 17 A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, 18 An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, 19 A false witness [that] speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.
Pro 26:20 Where no wood is, [there] the fire goeth out: so where [there is] no talebearer, the strife ceaseth.
Pro 18:8 The words of a talebearer [are] as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly.
Pro 16:28 A froward man soweth strife: and a whisperer separateth chief friends.
The Bible even goes so far as to say that young women, who aren’t married and don’t busy themselves with work and ministry are particularly prone to be preoccupied with others’ affairs. They poke their noses in and entwine other people’s lives with their own.
1Ti 5:13 And withal they learn [to be] idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not.
...I know, it’s a brutally honest statement that we all can feel the sting of - men and women alike.
“Unity is endeavored for, not simulated.”
C&YA is full of amazing people, the best people I know in fact. I love every single one of you and I know that you love each other. But I also know that from time to time I see people hurt one another by theorizing about them and assuming the worst. This is particularly true as people begin to date or people are being promoted into positions of leadership. These people become easy targets for “the gossiper”. I want to lovingly warn you - the culture of unity that we share and enjoy is in danger each time someone creates drama by “speaking their mind” in a way that is uninformed and unnecessary.
Some of the most corrosive things to the harmony of a church family and the health and focus of the great commission are an unguarded heart, a presumptive mind and a loose tongue.
Consider what James says…
Jas 3:1 My brethren, be not many masters, knowing that we shall receive the greater condemnation. 2 For in many things we offend all. If any man offend not in word, the same [is] a perfect man, [and] able also to bridle the whole body. 3 Behold, we put bits in the horses' mouths, that they may obey us; and we turn about their whole body. 4 Behold also the ships, which though [they be] so great, and [are] driven of fierce winds, yet are they turned about with a very small helm, whithersoever the governor listeth. 5 Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth! 6 And the tongue [is] a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell. 7 For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind: 8 But the tongue can no man tame; [it is] an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. 9 Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God. 10 Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be.
The tongue is dangerous! For this reason we must guard what’s behind that tongue, our mind. We must learn to avoid drama and trust the Spirit to be silent by learning to forbear matters that do not require our opinion. If grace can win the day, then let it (Mat 18:21-22). On the flip side, if we are convicted to speak, let us do so humbly and without assumption, following Christ’s prescription for dealing with disagreement (Mat. 18:15-17). Unity is endeavored for, not simulated.
“When our tongue is not busy with worship and speaking love, it will bring forth bitter water.”
So many of our character flaws, such as being prone to gossip, can be dealt with simply by having a healthy walk with Christ. Being submitted to his Word and meditating on it day and night. When our mind is not on the things of Christ, our thoughts wander, our imaginations begin to run wild and we start believing things that aren’t true. When our hearts are not tethered to God’s will we become emotionally unstable and our ability to get perspective beyond our feelings is greatly diminished. When we aren’t busy with ministry, work and school, when we have a surplus of free time, then we will busy our bodies with more fleshly pursuits. When our tongue is not busy with worship and speaking love, it will bring forth bitter water.
Let’s take our hearts, minds and mouths before the Lord and ask that he would conform them to his image and that he would fill us with his grace. The unity of our ministry depends on it. Our ability to reflect Christ depends on it.
Brandon Briscoe is the pastor over C&YA and oversees Living Faith Books publishing.