Jesus is Enough
/“I didn’t feel the happiness that I knew existed in the word of God”
When the lies of doubt and loneliness take root in place of truth. And no one seems to understand because you haven’t spoken out. Disaster lies ahead and nothing seems to turn out right, the screaming in your mind comes forth and manifests in light. But, there is hope and renewing in the person Jesus Christ. Taking on the demons is a fight you can’t go alone, but there is victory and there is hope and there is healing. In him there’s life.
I wrote those lyrics during a great battle; it was a battle between my heart and my head. I knew that Jesus was enough for me. I knew that the word was true, and I could depend on him. I knew that my circumstances didn't determine my joy. Yet there I sat, crying onto the black and white keys of the hand-me-down keyboard inside a concrete block house in the middle of South Asia. I was feeling sorry for myself and disappointed that I didn’t feel the happiness that I knew existed in the word of God. What in the world had happened to it? Where did it go? Why was I struggling every day to get out of bed, get my kids to school, make dinner for my family and laugh, play, and enjoy the wonderful life God had given me?
“I needed to move forward and trust that what he said about joy was true”
But here’s the thing, it hadn’t gone anywhere. It was still centered in the very place it first came those two thousand some odd years ago. Luke 2:10 says, “...Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy...” That great joy is Jesus. He was then, he is now, and he will forever be that joy. So why was I so depressed? Why was I unable to feel the joy that as a believer in Christ I knew I had inside? I dove into a study on “joy” for our Christmas Advent service with the hospital team. It was going to be the perfect opportunity for me to learn and encourage others even in my suffering. What was joy and how could I have it were the main questions I needed answered. I did not doubt that God’s word was going to provide what I needed. I knew there were verses about the fullness of joy and so I started there. I found that he gave me his presence (Psa 16:11), he gave me his word (Jer 15:16), he gave me his Spirit (Gal 5:22), he gave me the freedom to ask anything of him (John 16:24), he gave me instruction (1 John 1:4), and he gave me fellowship (2 John 1:12)‒all so that my joy would be full.
He gives so much, yet in all the giving, I was still left with just a bunch of blessings that were lying in a heap. There was a requirement I had yet to fulfill: the letting and the putting on. I needed to choose joy to see it at work in my life. It was up to me to see all of those blessings God has given become a reality in my life. Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I had to let the peace of God rule in my heart (Col 3:15). I had to “put on” all of the things he’s provided, which is a massive list! These are the actions that are demanded of me if I am to truly follow and live out Christ. So, I couldn’t sit and cry at the piano anymore. I needed to move forward and trust that what he said about joy was true and that my present circumstance didn’t play a factor in whether or not I had joy. Psalm 5:11 tells us, “But let all those that put their trust in thee rejoice: let them ever shout for joy, because thou defendest them: let them also that love thy name be joyful in thee.” So I chose Jesus. I chose to sing praises when I didn’t feel like it; I chose to read the word when I wanted to sleep; I chose to listen to sermons and worship when my thoughts wanted to take me far from the truth; I chose to pray when I wanted to be silent. And every time I chose the Lord, the stark difference between Jesus and everything else became more clear. Jesus was everything. Jesus was my joy and a new song began to resound in my heart.
When I hear your name, Jesus, I cannot keep my heart from beating to the rhythm of your joy, it’s overwhelming. I cannot keep my lips from singing the praises of your name.
“The feelings of oppression in that culture were weighing heavily on me physically and emotionally”
A year before this you would have found a woman who had a four-week-old, a 2-year-old, and a 4-year-old struggling through language school and learning how to live in a completely new culture and environment. She was in the deep end of culture shock and she was a bit of a mess, yet she was determined that this was exactly what God had planned and nothing, not even news of her visa being rejected, would change her attitude. She was set on obedience. She was set on continuing until God called her elsewhere but it was self-determination. She was strong. But God uses the weak, and I believe that he let me get a weak place to remind me it’s his strength that I have to rely on and that I can do nothing on my own.
So, lesson one was a hard one, but now I was understanding that my joy truly is rooted in Christ and nothing that happens in my life, be it good or bad, can take from that joy. Jesus, my joy, is enough, or so it should have been. After about two and a half years in the country still waiting on that visa to come, I began to get itchy feet. It was becoming harder to imagine not being able to get out of the country for some rest, relaxation, and rejuvenation. The feelings of oppression in that culture were weighing heavily on me physically and emotionally. I was tired. I was ready to “get away” for a little bit. We were good about taking a break every few weeks and spending some time in the other cities we loved and made do with the in-country travel restrictions that were on us. But no matter how “away” we got, it was still oppressive. Don’t get me wrong, I was still choosing Christ as my joy, but boy would it have been nice to pop out of the country for a week and wear a t-shirt and jeans for a change!
James (my husband) and I began discussions about practically what it looked like to stay there as long as possible with no visas, granted the government allowed us. We concluded that if we couldn’t get out, then we needed people to come to us. We devised a plan, and it was brilliant. We would talk with our churches and supporters and set up a rotation of visitors every nine months or so. Perfect! We could stay here forever if we just had like-minded brothers and sisters come and invest in us and our family.
“I don’t want my sorry excuse for a request, but the thing that God saw from the beginning”
Soon after, in the Fall of 2017, my parents had decided they were coming for Christmas. It was going to be amazing. We were so excited and the kids couldn’t wait to see their grandparents. Our plan was coming to fruition and everything was perfect and then it wasn’t. The paperwork was difficult because we didn’t have a visa, so we couldn’t “invite” them to come to see us. Then they received phone calls where they were asked lots of questions by our host country’s embassy administration. Our attempt was a flop, and I was a mess. I remember standing in my kitchen trying to prepare dinner after hearing it wasn’t working out and having a conversation with God. “I told you I needed people to come see me.” It’s embarrassing to write that, but that’s exactly what I said. And his reply was the softest and hardest thing I’ve ever heard: “Why am I not enough, Rosie?”
I didn’t have a reply.
I continued my day and went outside to hang laundry while still being bitter about my parent’s visas. The Holy Spirit did what only he can do and reminded me of a verse: “Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think...” (Eph 3:20) I, again, was working in my power, relying on my strength, my thoughts, and my plans. Didn’t I already learn this lesson? But here I was hanging up wet clothes in my backyard and dusting off the dry ones to take back in, wiping off the tears with my hands, trying to see straight and get right with the Lord. Visitors. That’s what I wanted. Fellowship. That’s what I wanted. A plan to actually work. That’s what I wanted. But, God wants more, he wants better, he wants something so wonderful for me that I can’t even comprehend what it could be. So, why was I wasting my breath praying and begging the Lord for my plan to work out and for all the ways that I had devised to be “just what we needed.” Where was my trust in the God Almighty, the Alpha and Omega, the Omniscient One? I was being way harder on myself than the Lord was. He asked me again, “Why am I not enough?”
You should be, I answered. No, you are. You are enough for me. You satisfy every need. There is nothing I need that you aren’t. You are my friend. You are my Saviour. You are my comforter. You are my sustainer. You are my EVERYTHING. I am wholly satisfied in you...if I CHOOSE you. And that’s what it boiled down to yet again. It was my choice. Is God going to be enough for me? Yes, because I chose him. I changed the way I prayed that day and ever since. I will still want what I want, but more than that, I want what God has in mind. It’s going to be more amazing than anything I could think of or even fathom‒that’s what I want. I don’t want my sorry excuse for a request, but the thing that God saw from the beginning. The thing that brings him the most glory. The thing that puts his plan into action. I don’t know what it is, but I want it. I might not even really like it, but it’s what I want because I know he knows what’s best. Isaiah 55:9 had never been truer: “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
“I wouldn’t trade that time for anything, and I wouldn’t trade the difficulty of it either”
A week later my parents had submitted new paperwork with all the correct information and were granted their visas to visit for three weeks. I wouldn’t trade that time for anything, and I wouldn’t trade the difficulty of it either. These were such basic lessons to learn: having joy and satisfaction in Christ. But, without them, I’m not sure that I would have been able to continue forward in the life God had given me. They have become foundational in my walk and growth as a believer and one who trusts in the Lord Jesus Christ. I think it is safe to assume that it’s not the last time God will bring them up, and each time he does, he’ll deepen my understanding of each of them. I’ll close with a third song that God gave me through this learning experience about finding my satisfaction in him, partly based on Psalm 107:8-9: “Oh that men would praise the Lord for his goodness, and for his wonderful works to the children of men! For he satisfieth the longing soul, and filleth the hungry soul with goodness.”
Only you can satisfy. Only you can supply what I have a need for. I can see Lord, you are the One sustaining me. For you are good. Sustaining Lord. Worthy of praise.
Rosie Fyffe has been a missionary for the last five years in Pakistan. While currently on furlough waiting for God’s direction, she is back at Midtown Baptist Temple with her family. She is involved in the Raytown Mom’s Group Bible Study, Faith Fellowship, the Worship Team, and the Missions Support Team.