Giving Thanks in the Midst of Hardship
/“That day nothing seemed real”
On May 21st of this year, I passed out at work, was admitted to the ER, and ended up staying in the hospital. Before this day, my life was fairly normal compared to other 20 year-olds. I played sports, I hung out with friends whenever, I stayed up late and got up early, and I never thought twice about making sure I was eating enough salt. Since that day, I am exhausted after a trip to the grocery store, I walk slower than some 80 year-olds, my chest can hurt so badly that I can’t think straight, and my salt intake is of the utmost importance. It seemed like I had aged 60 years in a matter of hours and everything I was able to do before was gone. That day nothing seemed real. I kept thinking that it was the flu, and I would only be there for a few days then everything would go back to normal.
On my third day in the hospital, I felt like I was getting better. At this point, I could walk from the bed to the bathroom all by myself and in my head, it was just going to keep getting better from there. This all changed when I took a test where I had to walk on a treadmill, woke up and the number of doctors and nurses in the room had doubled. I had passed out getting from the treadmill to the bed after having walked for only four minutes.
“I was mad that these things were happening to me, especially because God knew they were happening”
At this point, my relationship with the Lord was going well. I was about to finish discipleship and I was learning how to truly follow Christ with my life. I was studying God’s word for myself and I was established in the UMKC ladies’ Bible study. All was going well, so my immediate reaction to being in the hospital was to pray for wisdom for the doctors. They weren’t sure what was going on, and I knew that ultimately everything was going to be fine. In the hospital I had quite a bit of free time, so I spent that with the visitors I was blessed with, napping, and having some pretty long, sweet instances of quiet time. It was super helpful, and God was consistently comforting me through each step every day. I knew it was God’s plan and I could rest in that fact.
When I got discharged they still didn’t have a diagnosis, but did inform me it might be postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS). They had scheduled an outpatient test for me the next day and I was going to be on a heart monitor for the next two weeks, which would assist in the diagnosis. After learning what POTS was, I realized I fit the description almost perfectly. In short, it means that anytime I move, my body isn’t sure what is going on and sends all the blood to my feet. This lowers my blood pressure and increases my heart rate, causing a long list of symptoms. POTS is also a chronic illness, so it is on-going for a long time. I prayed a lot for it to be something else, something they could fix, something that wouldn’t take away so much from me. But at the end of June, I was officially diagnosed with POTS.
From the time I was in the hospital to the time I was diagnosed, I was allowing how I felt to get in the way of my relationship with God. I was mad because I felt like people kept telling me I couldn’t do things. I was mad that sitting on the couch was all that I was capable of doing. I was mad that these things were happening to me, especially because God knew they were happening. He was the only one capable of taking it all away and giving me my life back.
It didn’t make sense to me why God would allow something to happen that took away my ability to do the things that would help me grow in ministry and obedience to his calling. During this time, I felt separated from the body. I had so many visitors that came to love me and spend time with me, but I wasn’t able to go to a lot of things that we do as a church body. I wasn’t able to serve, go to our evening prayer service, and sometimes couldn’t come to church on Sunday mornings. Since I was allowing my feelings to get in the way, I wasn’t able to see all of the things God was trying to show me. All it took was one morning of prayer and spending time in the word for the Lord to draw me back into his arms and out of the trap that is my flesh.
“I rest assured knowing that the one true King only has my best interest in mind”
God wasn’t keeping me from things that would help me grow or things he had called me to. Instead, he was preparing me to be a soldier for him. Romans 8:16-17 says, “The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God: And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together.” As children of God, we know we are going to suffer. We are told that it is coming, so when it does come, we have no reason to be surprised. Suffering allows us to rejoice and be thankful in all of the promises that we are given.
Romans 8:28 continues giving the reminder that it is going to take hardship to learn how to die to my flesh and be like Christ. The more we get to look like Christ, the better. But even before this, it says that we are promised that “all things work together for good.” No matter how many events I have to miss or how many horrible, difficult things pop up, I know and can fully rely on the fact that everything happening is working together for my good. That doesn’t take away whatever the circumstances are, but I can be glad knowing that in the end, I will look more like Christ. I rest assured knowing that the one true King only has my best interest in mind.
Our suffering doesn’t come without purpose. The Bible tells us specific works that God is performing in us throughout each trial. Acts 14:22 says, “Confirming the souls of the disciples, and exhorting them to continue in the faith, and that we must through much tribulation enter into the kingdom of God.” This trial is just a part of the “much tribulation” I will experience while I’m on earth; this trial is not forever. Even if it does last the entire time my flesh is alive, it is still going to end. I can choose to be upset that all of these hard things are happening in my life, or I can choose to be excited that I am one step closer to spending eternity with my Father in his kingdom.
In Romans 5:2-5, Paul tells us, “By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.” We “glory in tribulations also” because all of those qualities that we could never have had in our flesh are being perfected in us through trial. It makes me happy to know that God is actively working these attributes into me to make me look more like Him. It doesn’t matter what it takes as long as the result is God’s perfect will being done in my life.
“I remember the sacrifice that was made for me so that I would not have to deal with pain for eternity”
1 Peter 5:10 says, “But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.” All of these apply to any believer that goes through trial. All of it is out of love, for our good, and helps us even if we don’t see it at the moment. God is making me perfect, he is stablishing me, strengthening me, and settling me by using these hard things in my life. God is the “God of all grace” and he is not going to harm me for no reason. The trial is never without purpose. Hebrews 5:8 goes on to say, “Though he were a son, yet learned he obedience by the things which he suffered;” Through our suffering, we learn how to be obedient. Proverbs 3:5-6 says to “lean not unto our own understanding” but to “acknowledge him” and he will direct us where to go. Realizing God’s purpose in this, leaning on him, and trusting what he has for me has been so comforting during this time.
When I wasn’t taking my cares to the Lord, and I was trying to get through this on my own, everything I was going through was a lot more difficult than it needed to be. God was showing me that his ways are always better than my ways. I needed to be obedient to him and to allow him to direct me rather than doing what I think is best. There is not always something practical to be done when things aren’t going the way you want them to. Sometimes all you can do is just rest and know that the Lord is supplying all of your needs.
The Lord also showed me that there has never been a time that I wasn’t able to be obedient to his call on my life. God has given me so much opportunity over the last few months to share my faith with those around me despite my circumstances. I have been able to use my circumstances as opportunities to share my faith and to share the grace of God with other people. The only reason I was ever limited to sharing the gospel was because I decided my problems were too big. Praise God he has proved me wrong time and time again.
This trial is teaching me what it truly means to die to my flesh and let Christ live in and through me. Galatians 2:20 says, “I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.” Christ loved me and died for me. He died for my sinful flesh on a cross that He never deserved, and I will now live my life according to that truth. When I’m upset about not being able to go to something or when I’m in pain and nothing makes sense, I remember that I am dead to this body. I remember the sacrifice that was made for me so that I would not have to deal with pain for eternity. Christ is in me and He is for me.
“When you lean into the Lord in those trials, He will bless you”
There is always so much to be grateful for even if on the surface it doesn’t look like it. Spend time in God’s word and spend time with the body, so you can allow God to show you all of the things you have to be thankful for. All I want is to glorify the Lord, to have a right relationship with him, and to be able to show others the love that He has for them. God has me where I’m at, so all of those things I listed off can come true. By putting me through a trial and making me truly trust him and give up all of my fleshly desires, I have grown so much closer to the Lord.
It hasn’t been an easy road and at times I’ve had to force myself to look at the eternal perspective, to read my Bible, or to do any of the things that I know will draw me back to the Lord. But, leaning into the Lord through hard times is the only way the hard times won’t be hard anymore. When you lean into the Lord in those trials, He will bless you. It will be a lot easier to remember the joy of your salvation, to see all of the good things He is doing, and to encourage others to keep fighting the good fight of faith.
Rylee Crockett is a member at Midtown Baptist Temple. She serves in Kidtown and is apart of C&YA. She is also involved in one of the UMKC ladies’ Bible studies.