Sarannah: The Impact of Discipleship
/“[I] went to church with my family every Sunday morning... For years that is what being a Christian meant to me.”
Some of the first memories of my life are ones spent in church. I was blessed to have grown up in a Christian home that valued Biblical principles. I accepted Christ into my heart at the age of five at Midtown Baptist Temple. For years I conducted my life in a very lukewarm manner. I knew all the popular Bible stories, I could recite John 3:16 without hesitation, and went to church with my family every Sunday morning and Tuesday night. For years that is what being a Christian meant to me. This was not because those around me failed to teach me what a relationship with the Lord should be, but rather because of my unwillingness to submit myself to what God had called me to: a life completely surrendered to Him. Growing up, I made excuse after excuse as to why I could not spend time with God or why I was incapable of sharing the gospel. These excuses were rooted in my lack of desire to obey what he said in 1 Timothy.
1 Timothy 4:12 Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity.
During my freshman year of high school, I started to truly understand what a relationship with Christ looked like. I was faced with a big and difficult decision that I knew I could not make apart from the Lord. I spent time in prayer and in his word seeking what he wanted me to do. I was praying about making the transition from homeschool to public school. I knew God wanted me to go and he used that decision to change my life. During that time, I met a friend who I was able to share the gospel with and invest in. This friendship brought many challenges, but God used all of them to grow me.
Sadly, that friendship ended as my friend decided to choose a life in the world over a life with Christ. I quickly spiraled after that. I was hurt and confused. I did not understand why the Lord put someone in my life who I loved so much only for her to leave. The next couple of months of my life were a series of bad decisions in an attempt to find whatever it was I thought was going to bring me happiness. By the end of the summer before my senior year of high school, I had had enough. I knew that a worldly life was not what I wanted. I was tired of trying to be rebellious. God was leading me closer to him, and I was slowly starting to follow. I was at a place in my life where I thought I wanted my relationship with God to grow.
“ I would not have admitted it at the time, but what I truly desired was a change in image, not a change of heart.”
The possibility of going through discipleship had been brought up to me during the summer, but at the time I was not at a place where I was ready for it. I signed up for Cost of Discipleship after a message that was preached during a Discipleship series MBT was going through at the beginning of the school year. Signing up seemed like the logical decision to make, so I did. Prior to being discipled, I had a skewed idea of what it would actually be. I thought that because I grew up at MBT
I knew the topics already. To me, discipleship was just a workbook that I needed to complete so I could check a spiritual box to become a “qualified” minister.
This inaccurate perception of discipleship caused me to have a very hard heart towards what it actually is. I thought that if I did not complete what I thought was just a program, I would never be viewed as good enough. At the time, I was making a habit of measuring the success of my own personal relationship with the Lord by what other individuals at church thought of me. I would not have admitted it at the time, but what I truly desired was a change in image, not a change of heart. I was under the impression that if I could change how others viewed me, then my walk with God would be what I defined as successful.
A little over a month after I took Cost of Discipleship, I was paired with Melissa Wharton. From the very start, Melissa met me right where I was at. She was vulnerable and honest with me. She shared her testimony and what God had done in her life. Week after week we met, and week after week she continued to love me and pray for me. She was a beautiful example of what the love of Christ looks like.
“It is not about completing a workbook or checking some made-up spiritual box... God cares about what’s in my heart.”
A little over half way through, I started to realize that despite my years in church I had no deeper understanding of the Bible. I was learning basic principles that I had spent years ignoring. I was learning what it meant to truly be established in the four goals of Discipleship: being established in worship, the word, the local church and ministry. These goals are the heart of discipleship, and God was using the material and Melissa’s guidance to change my heart. By the end of Discipleship, I knew what it meant to be a disciple of Christ. It is not about completing a workbook or checking some made-up spiritual box. It isn’t about looking spiritual because I did something. My relationship with God is between Him and I. He doesn’t care about how spiritual I may look to anyone else. God cares about what’s in my heart.
1Th 2:4 But as we were allowed of God to be put in trust with the gospel, even so we speak; not as pleasing men, but God, which trieth our hearts.
1Sa 16:7 But the LORD said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart.
My eyes were turned away from who I am, what my flesh wanted, and towards who Christ is and what he wants for my life. One of the most impactful parts of my discipleship process was when Melissa encouraged me to read through Ephesians. Through that reading, I found my identity in who Christ is and not in my own desires or the perception of others.
Eph 2:4-6 But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us, (5) Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved;) (6) And hath raised us up together, and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus:
Eph 2:8-9 For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: (9) Not of works, lest any man should boast.
“He is my identity”
I have no reason to boast of myself, because I am found in Christ. What he did on the cross is what I can boast in. He is my identity, and it took me a long time to realize this. Looking back, I realized that who I had always been was wrapped up in what I thought people wanted from me. I was wrapped up in doing things I thought God and people would be impressed by. I wasn’t greatly impacted by discipleship because it made me look spiritual or because I successfully finished a workbook. Those were not important. Instead, what was important was that I became established in four areas that God expects me to be established in. Since becoming grounded in the four goals, he has changed who I am entirely.
Sarannah Paul is a member at Midtown Baptist Temple. She is involved in C&YA and serves on the hospitality team.